Thursday, 18 October 2012

Hindi Maloom Hei Kya?!?! ... Thoda Thoda maloom hei


                                                As soon as I landed up in Bangalore in order to pursue my career with IT, I found shelter at my friend’s Paying Guest rooms. There were ten South Indian people in two rooms who are friends, friends of friends, mutual friend’s friend and yet-to-be friends. We all got acquainted taking a couple of days’ time mingling amongst ourselves. The day I turned to this place up fortunately or unfortunately turned out to be a Friday and so we had ample time to really gel amongst ourselves and learn almost everything about others. One serious topic of discussion was one’s expertise on Hindi. People were so eager enquiring each other so as to find how much of Hindi were made to Rest in Peace since birth and learnt that many had killed Hindi only up to their Sixth grade except a couple of people that included the great me and my friend Harsha who took Hindi to the next level in our lives attending private classes for the same and so we knew few of the repeatedly used Hindi words like “Teek hei”, “Bhayya”, “Dharwaaza”, “”Kalam”, “Bahuth”, “Koobsoorth” “Kuttha”, etc etc.,(So putting scene with these words)

                                                We were like the two one-eyed kings in the land of blinds. Full of pride, boasting and blowing our own trumpet happened the next few hours.

Me: “Kya Harsha, in logo ko hindi nahe aatha hei kya?!?!”

Harsha: “Kya karega macha? Chod dho”

                        Others saw us like the Oscar nominees. People were even ready to learn Hindi from both of us.  

                        The entire Saturday went discussing the same topic and few other topics that can never be jotted down here. The dusty rays from the sun on the Sunday afternoon woke all of us up around 12PM.  We took our own time to steady ourselves from bed, did whatever a human has to do on any mornings and started to a near-by restaurant by foot.

                        While on return back home, a middle aged man swiftly moved towards me and started asking me something in Hindi. He spoke very fast (like Rajdhani express) yet very clear because he is from North India. I am able to hear all his words, I am able to get all his expressions, I am able to react to all his words but was not able to sense what he is asking me since because I do not know Hindi as much as he knew it. He continued his simplex communication for about a minute and was anticipating my reply and while this happened my friends were keen to see so as how I handle this situation.

                        I blushed at people around took the man aside and told “Mujha Hindi thoda thoda hee aatha hei aur mujhe Hindi maloom nahe hei, BHAYYA”(used all possible words I knew in hindi in this same sentence). He stared at me for a minute but dint spit at me. But his face turned “KOLAVERI”. He gave me a “RANAGALAM” look.

                        Friends : “Dei, how did you manage the situation? You know that much Hindi really a??!?! Dei you are great da… Really da great…”

                        Me : “Mei hoon na…. Taare Zameen par… Zindagi na milegi dobara… Koyi bhaath nahe … aaavo hum jaavo”

                        Friends : “Dei you are fundamentally, basically, sincerely strong in Hindi da.. You are the master for us da… you will have to teach us Hindi da macha”

                        Me : “Teek hei teek hei, zarroooorrrrr… Aavo aavo… Mei Dhekthaaa hei”

The next day….
                                    I entered the office with much dreams as it was my first day into my corporate life. I went to the office professionally dressed, clean shaved and well-prepared. With smiles all over, I entered the lobby and found a group of people waiting for their enrolment into the company on the same day. I was asked to sit with the similar group of people who emerged as aliens a few minute back.

                                    I had a glimpse at all the faces that contributed the group. Everybody seemed like the “Vermas”, “Singhs”, “Aroras”, “Kapoors” and “Khans”.  I could not even find a “Shankar” or “Senthil” or “Murugan” or “Kumar”.


                                    After a couple of hours passed by, we were made to introduce ourselves a bit louder that everybody gets at least your name and the place you come from(my guess was true). I was the last person and trust me I was the only person from the bottom-most India. In a group of 30, I found 27 from the Northern, Eastern and Western Parts of the Country and only three from South India out of which the other two does not know the language which I speak.


            Tea Break:
                                                After the session got over, we broke for tea. I will jot down whatever I heard during the break..

“Hei kaisa lagtha hei thu?!?!?”,

“Bahuthu badiyaa hei hum aur thu?!?!”,

“Accha accha… aur kya?!?!”,

 “Kaa liya hei kya?!?!” (I wanted to write all those but “mujhe samaj mei nahe aa rahe hei”, because this is the maximum hindi I know :D :D”)

            Everybody asked me.

“Kya bhaath hei?!?!”

“Kithnaa dhoor hei?!?!?”

“Kya kartha hei thu?!?!”

                        I dint want to reply back in Hindi because they will come to know that I do not know Hindi and so I kept mum. Everybody thought I was a silent boy who does not talk to others… he he he.. It is okay….

                        At one point in time everybody in my batch except my roomies came to know that I do not know Hindi and so I thought I can maintain this at least in front of my roomies that I had already given too much build up that I know lot of Hindi and if they come to know that I do not know Hindi they would spit on me.

                        But unfortunately there happened a situation which demanded an intro between my roomies and my batch mates. I did an intro as well. They were talking amongst themselves and at one point in time both the groups went mute… Because…

            Roomie: “Gokul is the only guy among the group who can talk really good hindi”

            Batch mate:”Gokul?!??! Really?!?!? I know you do not know Hindi, but I did no that you did not know this much Hindi… Have you atleast seen Hindi alphabets?!?! ”….. Spits…..

            Roomie: oh my goddddd……

My roomie came to me….

            Roomie: “Dei, he literally raped you with his words da that you do not know what really Hindi is…”

            Me: “Hm hm !??! Small boy.. Leave him da.. Let’s go

            Roomie: “No macha. I should get this clarifed da.. You come da…”

Roomie to Batch mate: “Hello boss. Talk to him in Hindi now.. Right in front of us… Come on

            Batch mate:”Sorry we have works

            Roomie: “Dei talk da.. I want to know if he knows Hindi are not

My batch mate started…

 “Kyā thum khud kē bārē mē sōch rahē hai?
Kyā āpa apanē kamarē kē sāthiyōṁ sē kahā hai?”

Blah.. blah…blah…..

            I was able to hear only his sound and was not able to recognise whatever he told me. Nothing, literally nothing…..

            Roomie: “Dei Gokul, reply da start….”

            Me: Gulp… Gulp… Gulp….” Macha he is speaking Kashmir hindi da.. I know only Mumbai hindi da macha….”

            Roomie: “Dei call that Mumbai wala” and he went on for another couple of minutes in Hindi

            Me: I blinked like a ginger ate monkey…. “Macha he speaks Andheri hindi da… I know only Dhadhar Hindi da…. So this is out of scope

My roomies surrounded me and hit me like anything for all these scenes I put. I was bed-ridden for two days. Full rest.. Complete rest…
Till date I know only two flawless sentences in Hindi….

            “Thumhaara naam kya hei”, “Mera naam Gokul hei


            Mar gaya hei kya?!?!?!? :P :P :P



  1. hahaha :D ROFL :D dae mams !! u r really a culprit da :D this post is considered to be a confession :D ur language skills are well xposed in this post da, the place at which u caught red handed between ur roomies and ur batch mates was really funny :D and seems u r good in hindi as well .... nice one da mams :) i jus loved it....:D "bahut acha" :D

  2. ha ha ha ha... dei its fiction da deiiiiiii

  3. haha :D fiction ah ?! dae ! dae ! ne yaaru nu i knw ... na yaaru nu u knw :D pandrathalaam panitu fiction nu soldria ?!

    1. "Come to my home".... summa test panen pulla... ryt ryt rytt.... vidu vidu... thodachhhi viduuu...

  4. Funny and entertaining plot....Really the way of narration is too good...Another different post from You...Congrats da...

  5. ha ha ha,,...... semma comedy pooo..... superbbb samalificationn... keep goin na.... :) :) :) :) :D :D